How to Beat Failure and Conquer Your Goals by Thinking Differently

Too often, we fail to achieve our goals.

We want to quit our job and start a business, but our idea doesn’t go anywhere.

We want to get leaner, but we give up before losing just five pounds.

We want to get better at talking to women, but we don’t start any conversations.

So we try to improve our actions. But that’s why we continue to fail.

How Your Thoughts Determine Your Life

I originally titled this “How Your Thoughts Determine Your Life” but it wasn’t nearly as catchy or descriptive. The concept is important though.

You see, our thoughts determine our emotions and our emotions determine our actions.

If I believe that I will fail at business, thinking about starting a business may create a fear of embarrassment — “What would my spouse think if I fail?” This emotion then sabotages my actions.

Instead of tackling the challenge with enthusiasm, I may dabble to save myself from embarrassment in case I fail (“I was just testing the waters”).

My original thought-the belief that I will fail-was the cause. Unfortunately, we aren’t always aware of our deep-seated beliefs.

It’s possible to make progress by taking action, but it’s less likely to lead to success. It’s more likely that my fear of failure would get in the way and prevent me from fulfilling my goal.

If you want to achieve your dreams, don’t focus on your actions (yet). Fix the thoughts in your head.

What Exactly Are These Bad Thoughts?

From the moment we are born, our brains absorb sensory information to understand the world.

Once we’re old enough to communicate, we start listening to people we trust-our parents, teachers, doctors, news reporters, etc.

To help us make quick decisions, our subconscious mind stores this information to create our beliefs and other shortcuts (biases).

Let’s take a look at these in more detail:

Beliefs and Limiting Beliefs

Our beliefs help us make decisions that keep us safe, experience pleasure, live longer and pass on our genes.

For example, we believe that strangers who are staring at us with crazy eyes are potentially dangerous. Or we believe that having sex with pretty, young people is enjoyable.

But our brains are complex and also try to keep us safe from embarrassment when it’s not a real danger.

Thousands of years ago, embarrassment might’ve prevented you from finding a suitable partner or worse, gotten you kicked out of the tribe.

But now, the risk of embarrassment for most activities is much lower and the risk of living an unfulfilling life is much higher.

This is just one example of how our brains don’t always work in our favor.

When we develop beliefs that limit us from reaching our potential, they’re called limiting beliefs. Many develop naturally because of the way our brains are wired. And others develop because of childhood traumas or other unfortunate events.

As adults, we can improve our lives drastically by understanding how they work, finding our own limiting beliefs, and rewiring them.

But our beliefs aren’t the only thoughts holding us back.

Assumptions and Interpretations

Often, we assume or interpret events incorrectly or incompletely.

This has a major impact on our goals.

Let’s say I think of a marketing plan and say “I tried that once, it won’t work.” This assumption will prevent me from trying it. But maybe that assumption is wrong and prevents my business from making a lot more money.

I remember assuming I wouldn’t like this guy Joachim because we were so different. I was certain. I was annoyed one night when someone invited him out. Well, my assumption was wrong and we became best friends. He was also a Groomsman at my wedding.

The more we assume, the less open we are to opportunities. And the same goes for interpretations.

It’s easy to get mad at a coworker who didn’t do her half of the report until you learn that she was in the hospital with her son.

Situations can be interpreted in various ways. Don’t assume that your interpretation, especially your first one, is automatically correct. There may be other vantage points you haven’t considered.

For example, maybe your client doesn’t hire you for a big marketing project and you interpret this as being fired. You get upset and let the client hear about it.

But really, they just hired someone else because this specific project required specialized knowledge in the medical field. They were planning to use you for future projects until you went aggro on them.

Try to see things from all angles. Get a handle on your assumptions and interpretations.

Your thoughts need to align with your goals.

How to Fix Your Thoughts to Achieve Success

If you want to achieve success, you need to rewire your brain. It’s not hard, but it does take conscious effort.

There are two great methods to improve your thoughts: the Pattern-Interrupt and the Subconscious Rewire.

Let’s take a look at them.

The Pattern-Interrupt

The Pattern-Interrupt works by replacing poor thoughts with productive thoughts immediately when they happen.

This happens in a 3-step series:

First, you need to become aware of your thoughts. One step to improve this ability is to keep a thought journal. Anytime you have a belief, assumption, or interpretation come up, write it down. It doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad.

For example, it’s the day before Mother’s Day and I think to myself, “I should buy my wife something. Never mind, it won’t get here in time.” I would write down that I assumed it wouldn’t get here in time.

As you do this, you will get better at becoming aware of your thoughts which helps for the next step.

Second, whenever you notice a negative belief, assumption, or interpretation pop up, stop and question it. This is the interruption.

Ask yourself questions like: “Is this absolutely true? Are there other possible explanations? Are there solutions I’m not thinking of?”

In my Mother’s Day gift example, I might respond with, “I don’t know if it’s true, I haven’t checked. It’s possible that there are some suppliers with next-day delivery.”

Lastly, replace the thought with a more truthful and productive one.

If I caught myself believing I would fail, I could replace that thought with a more detailed and accurate one like, “If I don’t work hard at it, I am likely to fail. But if I work my ass off, spend hours learning about this every day, then put these lessons into practice for six months, my odds of succeeding are probably pretty good.”

By replacing my limiting belief with a realistic one that helps me believe I can succeed, I’m much more motivated and likely to take action.

The Subconscious Rewire

This method is about finding beliefs you want and drilling them into your brain with affirmations.

You see, even if you consciously believe you will succeed (or insert whatever belief you want), it’s possible that your subconscious mind does not.

Your subconscious mind plays a huge role in what you achieve. If it believes you will fail, it will steer you toward that outcome. If it believes you will succeed, it will help you find a way to do so.

Once you become aware of the beliefs you want to change, it’s time to help speed up this process.

Do this by spending five minutes every single day repeating a short phrase of roughly ten words or less.

Don’t use any negative wording. For example, don’t say, “I’m not a mean person.” Instead, say, “I’m a nice person.” Your subconscious doesn’t understand the negative words and will believe you’re mean even when you say that you’re not.

You need to believe this. If you want to build a successful business by the end of the year, make sure you’ve tested this belief using questions similar to the pattern interrupt.

Ask questions like, “What would it take for this to be true? What would it take for me to be confident that I can make this happen? What can I do to make it more likely to succeed?”

Once you believe it, create your affirmation. There are three important components:

• Make it personal by using the word “I”
• Make it present (even if it’s not true yet) by using words like “am” or “have”
• Use positive descriptions like “great” or “successful”

Here’s a possible affirmation: “I have a successful marketing business.”

Then, for five minutes every day, repeat this line over and over, only thinking about this.

Do this for at least 90 consecutive days. If you miss a day, start the entire clock over.

I will warn you, it seems easier than it is. If you make it to 30 days you may think, “Oh, I can miss a day, it won’t be a big deal.” Or, “30 days is good enough.”

No, do the entire 90 days consecutively. Otherwise, your subconscious will not get rewired and your old beliefs will reign supreme.

Take Control of Your Life

We underestimate the power of our thoughts.

We let other people influence them. We watch TV shows that program us. We give past experiences way too much power.

It’s time for you to stop reacting to the world. Instead, create the life you want.

And that starts by taking control of your thoughts.

You now have two simple, yet powerful ways to change your negative thoughts and limiting beliefs into productive, powerful, and life-changing ones.

Take advantage of this opportunity to put your life on the track of your dreams.

Originally published at https://robriker.com on May 29, 2021.